Emotional abuse is increasingly recognized as a distinct and damaging form of intimate partner violence, yet it remains under-acknowledged within both legal frameworks and societal awareness. This article explores emotional abuse as an abuse category, its profound effects on survivors, and the ways in which enablers can inadvertently intensify trauma by invalidating lived experiences and excusing abusive behaviors. Emphasizing the importance of believing survivors and supporting their healing, the article also discusses emerging state statutes recognizing coercive control as a crime, with particular focus on the movement toward enshrining such statutes in Pennsylvania law. As trauma-informed practitioners and advocates, it is crucial to understand these dynamics to better support survivor recovery and promote legal reforms that protect victims from ongoing abuse.
In popular culture and even within some social circles, behaviors that are controlling, manipulative, or emotionally damaging are often dismissed or minimized with dismissive phrases like “He’s just quirky”, “It’s not that bad” or “He’s not malicious”. Such dismissals contribute to a dangerous misunderstanding of emotional abuse, which can be just as destructive as physical violence. In my own experience, it was the psychological fight of my life. Recognizing emotional abuse as a standalone category of abuse is essential for validation, intervention, and legal accountability.
Emotional Abuse as a Distinct Abuse Category
Emotional abuse involves patterns of behavior aimed at undermining a person’s sense of self, autonomy, and well-being. Unlike physical violence, emotional abuse often leaves no visible scars, making it harder to detect and prove. However, its effects are profound, including depression, anxiety, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), low self-esteem, and long-term relational difficulties (Pietrangelo, 2023).
Trauma-informed research underscores that emotional abuse can erode a survivor’s sense of safety and self-worth, often leading to complex trauma (Obot, Azorondu & Hamed, 2024). It is characterized by behaviors such as constant criticism, manipulation, gaslighting, isolation, and threats—all designed to exert control over the victim’s emotional state and life choices.
The Damaging Effects of Emotional Abuse
The impact of emotional abuse extends beyond immediate distress; it can permanently alter brain chemistry and emotional resilience (Obot, Azorondu & Hamed, 2024). Survivors often internalize blame, questioning their perceptions or sanity—a phenomenon known as gaslighting. This invalidation of their lived experience can hinder their ability to seek help or recognize their abuse, perpetuating the cycle of trauma.
Research shows that emotional abuse can have cumulative effects comparable to physical violence, including somatic health issues, substance abuse, and difficulties forming healthy relationships in the future (Pietrangelo, 2023; Obot, Azorondu & Hamed, 2024). As the intensity of my abusive experience progressed, I began to develop persistent insomnia, chronic body pain, anxiety attacks and an eating disorder. The insidious nature of covert emotional abuse makes it particularly harmful because it often persists unnoticed and unaddressed; factor in the sheltering effects of a positive social image or devout spirituality and the roots just grow deeper.
Enablers and Their Role in Traumatization
Enablers—be it friends, family members, or even professionals—play a pivotal role in either perpetuating or dismantling abusive dynamics. Unfortunately, enablers often invalidate survivors’ experiences by making excuses for the abuser (“He just has poor boundaries,” “She overreacts”), dismiss the severity of the abuse, or minimize its impact.
This invalidation can inadvertently intensify trauma by reinforcing survivors’ feelings of isolation and self-doubt. Throughout the course of my prior relationship, mutual friends of my abuser insisted that his harmful behavior was merely motivated by personal insecurity resulting in poor boundaries, which negated my reality of pain, suffering, and his impact on my mental health. In the wake of my separation from the abuser, the same mutual friends repositioned responsibility of the failure of the relationship onto me, surgically invalidated each case of my lived experiences when shared, declined to hold space for my perspective, and bestowed me with the obligation to “just accept him for the way he is”. I was left isolated, uncertain of my reality, and feeling unstable and unsure of the strength of my own character. When enablers overlook or justify abusive behaviors, they contribute to a culture of silence and acceptability that allows emotional abuse to continue unchecked.
The Importance of Believing and Supporting Survivors
Trauma-informed practice emphasizes the importance of believing survivors’ accounts of abuse without judgment or skepticism, both of which fell flat in my experience. Validating their experiences fosters healing and empowers survivors to seek help. It is vital for society—especially professionals in mental health, legal, and social services—to listen empathetically and support survivors’ autonomy.
Supporting survivors includes providing accurate information about abuse dynamics, advocating for legal protections, and creating safe spaces for disclosure (Harris & Fallot, 2001). Recognizing emotional abuse as a serious and harmful form of violence affirms survivors’ dignity and rights.
Emerging State Statutes on Coercive Control
Legal recognition of emotional abuse is progressing through statutes that criminalize coercive control—a pattern of behaviors intended to dominate and isolate a partner. Coercive control includes tactics such as surveillance, stalking, financial deprivation, and psychological manipulation.
States like California, Massachusetts, and Connecticut, have enacted laws that include coercive control within their definitions of domestic violence, primarily to strengthen protections and aid in family court decisions and restraining orders, signaling a shift toward acknowledging the severity of non-physical abuse (Cross, 2022). Hawaii is the only U.S. state that has a specific law criminalizing coercive control. These laws empower victims to seek prosecution and accountability for ongoing patterns of coercive behavior.
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